PROBLEM #5 - POSSIBLY YOU!!!

Since WHEN did 'shit sorry I have a boyfriend' actually mean 'I love it when you rub your sweaty package all over mah body'

Cacks and Jen are totally confused as to when and WHY this is happening... galz all over the nation are just trying to protect their pathetic relationships and their whispering eyes and desperate guys are making it ALL THE MORE DIFFICULT for them to keep their whispering eyes tight like a tiger. NB: if u do not know what whispering eye is, u number one need to get a life, number two WATCH ROLE MODELS.

This goes in the reverse as well... when boys say they have a girlfriend girls tend to think oh ok i should probs back off.. not WELL WHEN IS SHE GOING AWAY SO WE CAN GET IT ON. informing us that your girlfriend is currently not present does not make girls want to take their clothes off and engage in the act of moving back and forth in a horizontal motion with their private parts touching...........................................................................unless theyre a slut (jen)

the last post we published was for galz only... well this ones for all u fellaz out there. if u have a girlfriend... BACK. THE. FUCK. UP. if gals have a boyfriend. SAME. THING......................

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're havin girl problems I feel bad for u son, u got 99 problems BUT YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY MORE IF U HIT ON A GIRL WITH A BOYFRIEND

PROBLEM #4 - BLISTER CITY

Do you ever feel like giving your feet a break? Ever think to yourself, I'm not wearin heelz 2nite gal ima wear flatz 2 give mah feet a REST! Well, one lovely night where we started off at Bourban, went to the Club, World Bar, Candys, Moulin, Spice, kick ons at Death Why we thought to ourselves THAT EXACT THOUGHT. Jen was wearing lovely Wittner gladiator shoes and Cacks was wearing lovely leather converse. Now without tooting our own horn... we looked HAWT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Through Jen's munted haze she could not feel the death of the rubber all up in her toes shit and all up in her heels grill. Cacks could drunkenly not feel her feet... let alone the friction that was occuring in her instep.

From shakin our thangs on the df and walking from club to club... and Cacks stopping people that had added her on facebook recently making it clear to everyone in the cross that THEY HAD INFACT ADDED HER ON FACEBOOK we developed mighty liquid bubbly blisters in and around our feet.

So now we've decided that in order to stop these beasts from occurring u need 2 things:

*THICK WOLLEN SOCKS

*A first aid kit fully equipped with bandaids and dettol for those pus filled buggerz

I hope you have found this information helpful... sorry for all our male fans u probably didn't find this interesting... but for you we will say DON'T WEAR THOSE FUCKING CROCODILE SKIN SHOES THEY ARE ABSOLUTLY HEINOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PROBLEM #3 - NO RIDES LEFT

So today after waking up at 7.30 am (keep following our blog for the reason why we were awake at this ungodly hour) we decided to take an innocent trip to the city. ........... ... UNTIL

Jen: OMG cacks u can TOTALLY use mah travel 10

Cacks: AWH thanks..... chuck it here

(put it in the machine twice for both of us)

Random fug man sitting on the disabled seat like a creep: UM... excuse me galz. Where are you off to?

Us: um... the city.....

Suddenly, out of nowhere, he WHIPS out a state transit medallion.... the sweat began to appear on our foreheads as we suddenly realised, this guy wasnt fucking round and was no ordinary civillian. He was ... a STATE. TRANSIT. OFFICER. ..... HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!

The man then informed us that we only had a ticket that was valid for 2 sections... not the whole 1 BILLION SECTIONS we needed for our 5 minute bus trip. He then proceeded to RIP the ticket out of Cacks's hands (with the whole bus looking) and sat there and put in the ticket....... SIXXXXXXXX MOREEEEEEEEEE TIMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. We stood there in utter shock as we heard the noise of the bus ticket go in and out... in and out... in... and out... x 1000.

He eventually handed it back to us when we looked at the bottom and saw...........NO. RIDES. LEFT. There you go! He said and smiled as he handed back our ticket with it's soul having been ripped out. We made fun of him the whole bus trip there.. and back... but underneath our brave smiling faces we were devastated. The whole bus trip cost us about 20 dollars... we SHOULDVE JUST GOT A CAB.

So to all you bus goers out there... BEWARE of a man sitting at the front... looking shady. He ain't no ordinary bus rider... hes the FUCKING AUTHORITY!

But thanks to this experience, we learnt if you havin bus problems i feel bad for u son, i got 99 probs but a travel 10 aint one

PROBLEM #2 - HOME AND AWAY? MORE LIKE NO HOME GO AWAY!

you know what really grinds our gears? here we are, working our asses off 8 hours a week just tryin to make an honest buck, while these slackers aka "homeless" wander the streets asking US for our honest buck.
first of all if anyone should be asking for more money.. its US. how are we meant to fund our nights out/pharmeceuticals if we just go around throwing away our honest buck to strangers????

second of all, most of you beggars dont even need more food, you should be spending the money on a gym membership.

third of all, why do people go out of their way to only ask us... one man asked us TWICE and just walked past everyone else without even a slydog glance. what is it about us being decked out in diva bling that makes us look like walking atms?

in conclusion, if you see two fat chicks (us) sitting at jet cafe in qvb... just walk on by, please, dont ask us for our honest buck.. and DONT mess with the zohan!!

PROBLEM #1 - TWILIGHT

WHAT'S COOLER THAN BEING COOL...EDWARD CULLEN

Jen
OK

TO BEGIN WITH

they don’t even know each other and from the second they see each other they are like SWEET BALLS IM SO IN LOVE. who straight away falls in love with some creepy pasty cold guy that has no friends and keeps to himself

5:21pmCaitlin
isnt that how you fell in love with me....?

and its not straight away they arent in love like IMMEDIATELY

they have to sit through like 10 biology classes before they realise it

5:21pmJen
no i fell in love with you cause u were mz new booty dickheaaaaaaaaaad not cause u were a creepy pasty vampire.......ALTHOUGH

oh yeah thats right they have to like swap partners bc edward jizzed in his pants with bella too much

5:22pmCaitlin
there is a whole introduction to the book you dont open up the first page and its liek BAM ZOOMMMGGGG BELLA 4 EDWARD FOOOO LYYYFF XOXOX

5:22pmJen
fuck the book I AINT NO FOUR EYEZ

5:23pmCaitlin
they hang out heaps.. and i mean yes he might be physically cold... but his heart is warm.. warm with looooveeee

5:23pmJen
... and w.t.f. that douche ‘bella’ had sex with eddiebebez, she was cold, got bruises all over her, she got knocked up, the baby ATE IT’S WAY OUT OF HER FUCKING STOMACH and all she could say was ... ‘marry me, and please make me a fucking creepy vampire like you please babe’

i dont know about u but thats not a normal reaction to a feotus eating out of your uterus

5:23pmCaitlin
they get married BEFORE he beats her up during sex

5:23pmJen

OH SHIT

5:23pmCaitlin
and SOME PEOPLE like that kindof stuff.... kinkaaaayy

5:24pmJen

WASNT AWARE OF THAT FACT... and ew caitlin.......dirty bitch.. is that what u did with


shit i keep forgetting we're posting this

5:24pmCaitlin
and maybe if you had actually READ THE BOOKS you would know that bella doesnt mind if the baby eats its way out of her womb

5:25pmJen

I READ THE 2ND BOOK THINKING IT WAS THE FIRST THANK U VERY MUCHOS

5:25pmCaitlin
as long as it survives

5:25pmJen

the 2nd book was just as fecked

5:25pmCaitlin
.....no wonder you dropped out of uni

5:25pmJen
the second book is all like her being like OMG MY DREAMS EDWARDDDD... but it’s ok im building a bike with that douchebag. like SHUTUPPPPPPPPP

hey.. i dropped out of uni bc of a completly unrelated drug problem

5:26pmCaitlin
oh thats right... my mistake

5:26pmJen
get it right get it tight cacks

5:26pmCaitlin
yeah the second book is the worst out of all four so i aint disagreeing with u there guurl!!

5:26pmJen

OMG I FORGOT MY MAIN POINT


BELLAS A FUCKING PEDO


edward never gets old hey... but she does the old bitch isnt she like 17 but he still looks like 16 or some shit????

5:26pmCaitlin
what! hooow??

edward is the one who is 90 years older than her

not the other way round

5:27pmJen
but he doesnt look it???

man this book is fucked.

5:27pmCaitlin
yeah coz he is IMMORTAL

its not that hard of a concept to grasp jen IF YOU JUST GAVE IT A CHANCE

he doesnt age coz hes a vampire

fuck

5:28pmJen
but like...... fuck this book man

5:28pmCaitlin
have you even read them all?

5:28pmJen
why do u want to read about vampires... id much rather read about people babysitting


babysitters club? no... SHUTUP

5:28pmCaitlin
oh yeah thats a really good argument ... "fuck this book mannnnnn"

why would i want to READ about babysitting? i babysit all the fucking time its not that GREAT

5:29pmJen
no that fucking movie... what is it called again.. when a stranger calls

5:29pmCaitlin
......how is this even related?

5:29pmJen

this crazy guy comes to kill in her aquarium

5:29pmCaitlin
where are u going with this

you are so fucked in the head

5:29pmJen
ILL KILL U IN THE AQUARIUM

5:30pmCaitlin
STAY ON THE TOPIC

5:30pmJen
id rather straddle someone with lesions on their body than talk about twilight some more

5:30pmCaitlin
thats because your a slut

5:31pmJen
i wasnt going to bring this up... but... YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS DYING CAITLINS HAIR SHE TRIPPED ON THE HAIRDRYER AND FELL ON THE GROUND AND LIKE HOPPED AROUND AND THEN FINALLY COLLAPSED ON THE FLOOR

....we should end this before it gets to long and too hectic... and i start whipping out the big guns

5:33pmCaitlin
bahahahahahha duuude i have WAAY more shit on you than u have me

none which is suitable/legal to be posted

5:33pmJen

THIS ENDS NOW!

FIRST...POST...EVERRR!!!

IF YOURE HAVING GIRL PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR U SON

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AINT ONE

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

We decided that we need to hit the hard issues in life and really talk about issues that matter.
Watch this space for our debate on Twilight..........